As a twice-divorced father living in modern times, I have decided to start a blog detailing my various legal battles and experiences traversing the legal system; As any divorced man (especially fathers) knows, the system isn't always fair, and I am going to be sharing my stories and posting various legal briefs I have actually filed through my experiences on this blog in the hopes that something here will spur other fathers on to take a more active role in their legal affairs before things get to the point they did in my life, (along with more personal commentary on the background, court decisions, and legal system as I see it).
At the outset it should be said I make no apologies for coming from a "man's" perspective; It is a statistical fact that mothers get custody in 90% of divorces that make their way through what we call "courts of justice," (while I don't think it can reasonably be said that only 10% of dads are less worthy or worse parents than their ex wives), and then benefit from a system which often sees fathers as a mere ATM for the needs (wants?) of their ex's (and whatever new man they shack up with), often at great cost to the children and families in general, (more on this later).
And although it should be obvious that in every divorce, (and legal battle I suppose), the "backstory" as well as the outcome is often messy and much more complicated than we would like to take time to understand and that this blog is not for everyone, it goes without saying that it will probably most appeal to those interested in controversies and issues relating to divorce and/or a legal nature. (So if you're one of those for whom legal or sociological matters regarding family dysfunction causes your eyes to glaze over, you may want to head over to your latest Hollywood gossip site or grab your cable remote instead!) I only say this partly tongue in cheek, because it should be apparent to the most casual of readers that such matters, dealing with as intimate domestic matters as divorce and the fallout to children that occurs as a result, is one with far more serious repercussions on society than just the relative financial statuses of the (adult) parties involved. I hope to highlight this more in future posts. jp
It should also be said that as in life generally, there is, of course, "two sides to a story," (though it goes without saying that attorneys haven't earned a reputation for twisting the truth in whatever ways are most likely to yield the legal results they seek for no reason!)
But for my part I have tried, as is my practice, to fairly tell my story and be as charitable to my ex wife as possible; nevertheless, I can't rule out that she will not take kindly to my posting these things online, (and that will surely be true in whatever other legal matters I may decide to comment on subsequently). To which I can only say: That's the price we pay for freedom of speech in a free society.
On the other hand, and at the same time, please note that I will vigorously defend my reputation from any and all directions when falsehoods are spoken about me, (as they might in comments or from whatever source). The Founders of our country believed one's reputation was his most valuable possession in this world, to be defended at all costs, and I am getting to the point in my life I can ill afford to let my name be besmirched without consequence to those who, with malicious motives or personal vendettas, would spread lies that could effect me personally or professionally.
I do, of course, also realize that by "putting myself out there" in sharing these stories and information there is a risk some "self-righteous" types who haven't lived much or through anything like this might "judge" me, morally or otherwise. Believe me when I say I totally understand that; I once was one of those "Pharisees" who needed to take the log out of my own eye before taking the speck out of my brothers, (see Matt. 7:3-5).
But although I am not a "bad" person, or near the "dead beat dad" opposing counsel or my ex's may try to paint me as, the truth is, I am far from perfect, and I have made many mistakes in my life, (which I am trying to learn from).
One of the biggest was to allow foolish hopes that I would one day be able to reconcile with my wife of ten years to cause me years ago to simply "walk away" (figuratively speaking) and accept increasing alienation from my children in an attempt to avoid conflict. (Of course, as is always the result when we "sweep things under the rug," the inevitable result is the conflict eventually occurs anyway, just sometimes decades later!)
Unfortunately, the poor decisions and the alienation that occurred over time as I "waited" for God to change my wife's heart only robbed me of the most precious things in my life, my relationship with my children.
It is my hope and prayer that something shared on this blog will help other non-custodial fathers (and their children!) avoid the pain I have experienced through more active involvement and, yes, fighting when necessary for their kids' sake. JP
Email me dad if you want a relationship jpjohn8@gmail.com still waiting father. I want to hear from you.
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